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The Second Agreement

Recently I have been again drawn to don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements and the wonderful lessons he imparts. I was inspired to blog about them and as I am writing on each of the agreements this week I have found their teachings reflected keenly in my personal life. The first agreement to ‘be impeccable in your words’ (which I wrote about here) struck me sharply over the past few days. The necessity to closely examine my wants, goals and desires so that I may be clear in my words and actions. It’s not just a matter of telling the universe what I want, it’s also a matter of having clarity in my goals so as not to settle for almost.

Naturally, this has been closely followed by the nature of the second agreement which is “Don’t take anything personally”. We too often base our feelings of self worth on how other people perceive us and interact with us. It is vitally important to understand that the actions of other people are based solely on them and have NOTHING to do with you. Sure it feels personal when someone doesn’t appreciate what you do for a living or reciprocate your feelings or like the way you present yourself to the world or think it’s appropriate to physically attack you. But that is not a reflection of you or how you are or what you have said or how you have reacted in a particular circumstance. It is all about the other person and their perception of who you are.

You are fabulous because you are you. You love your job and it makes you happy. You deserve the best and can have it with patience. You feel great wearing that look and it builds your confidence. You feel drawn to that color and it lifts your spirits. You are beautiful and deserve to feel good about yourself. That is all that matters. When other people share an opinion that differs from yours don’t take it personally. We are all unique individuals with differing ideals and desires and this is one of the things that makes the world such a beautiful place.

We can’t spend our lives trying to live up to other peoples expectations of us. There are billions of people in this world and you personally know hundreds of them, how realistic is it to think that they are all going to agree on something? Not everyone is going to like you. Not everyone is going to appreciate your personal style. Not everyone is going to think you make the best choices. And you can’t live your life accommodating other peoples perception of you. Your life is not a democracy, you are the only one that gets to decide who you are, where you are going and how you will get there.

2 Responses to “The Second Agreement”

  1. 1 Joseph Anthony says:

    What a lovely entry Serafice. Thank you for the encouragement. I used to live my life almost soley based on what other people thought of me. And usually I assumed they were thinking the worst. It was a horrible tyranny that I now see was a choice. Out of fear, I hid my light. That fear was wisdom however. I had to wait to give birth to my gifts at the right time. So I kept them treasured up in my heart until it was safe. Today I do not take out the billy-club and beat myself up for waiting so long…All in good time. The time was right, the fruits of my labor were ripe, and now I walk with armfuls of flowers and am in conscious contact with my gifts. And I can even take healthy risks in sharing them with the world. And these gifts over the last year, have taken many forms. Most recently, a holy child with a blessed desire to create. Thank you again for your insightful and empowering words. It’s wonderful to get a boost of love in the morning.

  2. 2 Lizzie says:

    I really needed to read this today. I will be tracking this book down. Thank you for sharing what you find inspiring and enriching so that others may connect with new ideas and fresh perspectives.