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Libra New Moon

Early this morning September 24th, 2014 the New Moon blossomed in Libra as we move into our autumnal energies. I wrote on the influences of this lunation here & here but I wanted to share on a more personal level today. I’ve been reviewing my year thus far & wanted to share some of what I’ve experienced & have recognized as a great blessing. Though my gift of mediumship allows me to interact with those that have passed & has enabled me to offer solace to many in grief, it has not made me immune to the process of grieving. For all my spiritual connectedness, I still need time to process through the loss of a loved one just as any of us does. Having a more objective view of death doesn’t include a free pass from mourning.

When I was a teenager my friend Gunnar & I used to have deep philosophical discussions for hours about life, death, love, truth & the meaning of it all. At that time he passionately expressed to me his certainty that death is THE END, that there is no continuation of consciousness, no soul or spirit. I had yet to come to any kind of decision on the subject as my gifts were well hidden at this point & I was fully immersed in the unsure state of agnosticism but I did feel certain that he was wrong, no matter of his calm insistence. Gunnar & I drifted apart in the years since our long debates & discussions but when he died earlier this year he came to let me know that he was happy to say that he had indeed been wrong.

My awakening to my gifts as a Psychic Medium happened in my 30’s and it’s only been in the last decade that I have learned how to share my unique perspective on death to help others find support through their loss. I’m able to give comfort that we do continue, we are indeed welcomed home & death is not an ending but merely a doorway to a different state of being. Connecting with those that have transitioned has become a regular part of my life but my dear friend Gunnar was my first loved one to pass since I mastered my abilities. I was surprised by the complexity of my emotions as I worked through my feelings about my old friends life, death & after-life. Even as I could feel my connection to him, hear him chuckling & know without a shadow of a doubt that my old friend was there with me, I could still keenly feel the sense of loss welling up as the reality of his passing settled in. Knowing that we continue to exist, being certain that this life is not our only chance to know each other does soften the blow to a certain extent but even a psychic needs to grieve.

Having an opportunity to be sad at Gunnars passing, to commiserate with his family & the other people that loved him, to acknowledge the unfairness that his life was much shorter then we would have wanted for him, to feel the loss of his bear hugs & burly grace was a critical part of my grieving experience. It doesn’t matter that he sat on my bed & pantomimed lasciviously as I got ready for his memorial, I still felt his absence. Despite the fact that he can tell me about how free he feels, I still need to be able to say it’s not fair that he died. Because it’s not. It sucks! Even though he has assured me he is in a ‘better place’, even though I can connect on a psychic level to know that this is true, I still need to be able to say I miss him. For my own personal emotional wellbeing & healing.

It’s important to acknowledge that just because we know our loved ones are still here in spirit that we must also allow ourselves the opportunity to process through their death. Being spiritually aware doesn’t mean shutting down our emotional selves. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Sadness, Peace. This is the natural order of mourning, the process of coming to terms with the absence of someone who was important to us. Be mad when you feel mad, cry when you need to express your sadness, see a psychic if you need reassurance but move through the process of your grief without judgement. We all deserve a chance to mourn our dead. Eventually you find yourself at acceptance which is a true blessing indeed.

gunnar and me

Gunnar and me circa 1991

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